We are Best Friends!

I don’t remember exactly when, but we met at a young age and shortly developed a connection. As I started growing up, she never left my side. We soon became close, it became impossible to part my ways with her. Although she was an enemy most of the time, she was also a good companion, someone who was always there for me, irrespective of what. She was like a sister, my other half. She was like a shadow, always there, following me, advising me to concentrate on my work.

We fought plenty, by which I mean every time. But it wasn’t entirely her fault. It was mine too, thanks to all the emerging hormones I didn’t sign up for. She was irritating at times, then again she was just doing her work, cautioning me here and there, constantly looking out for me in times of need, and well that’s what a good friend does.

We were so intimate, it felt like she always spoke out my sub-conscious thoughts, as if she could peep right into my mind like an open window, and shut it whenever she wanted. It was one of those critical windows which only she could see and had the control to. Well again, who coined the term “best friends?”

She was always around, easily reachable and knew exactly what I was thinking. This infuriated me. Was I really easy to read or had it been long enough to our friendship, or I had nobody else but her to open up to? I didn’t want her to know everything every time. Hello privacyyyy?

It was upsetting. Some things are to be kept a secret, even from a best friend. I didn’t want her to be around so often, I didn’t want her seeing all my disordered thoughts and imaginations, giving me useless suggestions all the time, which I already knew. But that’s the thing. Once you’re attached to someone, the road to suffering begins. Attachment makes you mentally enslaved, and it inevitably destroys you in ways you never imagined.

But something about her kept our friendship going. She didn’t mock me like the others and never made fun of me. She embraced my flaws and imperfections. Told me it was normal to think like that and be vulnerable at times. She infact, helped me get through it. We all have a friend like that right!

Even though she was the more dominant one within the relationship, I didn’t comply with her all the time. Sometimes I argued and refused to give in to her terms. She’d fight with me, shout at me, mentally abuse me, and give me temporary headaches. On and off, she would hold me down, scream down my ears until I zoned out enough to hear nothing else but the sharp screams of her voice.

Sometimes when I acted stubborn, she’d rebuke me and stop talking to me altogether and pay no heed to my complaints. But it’d only ever last for some hours. Soon she’d be back to normal and she’d come to me. We’d sit hugging one another like two friends in a new place, and we would hold onto each other for a long time. That was her way of telling me that she’d forgiven me, and she’d make everything perfect. She would reassure me that all the worries inside my head were real but easily controllable. All I had to do was hear her and follow her commands.

Listening to music, taking a deep breath, and writing down my thoughts, were some things  that helped- things that she taught me as part of my growing up, things that I could use to handle the bad days. “No, don’t go there, it’s not safe”, “What if you fail?” she’d say. “Face it, you’re good for nothing”, “Don’t try this or people will laugh at you”, so on and so forth. I’d generally take her advice now and then. No questions asked.

The first time it happened, I felt embarrassed, like why does she need to make it so obvious? But there was logic to her words. Whenever I did what she told me to, it felt a burden had been lifted off my heart, like everything that was pushing down on me had wiped out. Surprisingly, even she would leave me and go once I complied with her norms.

We used the ‘this-is-how-you-cope-up-with-bad-days’ methods she taught me, quite a lot. Distancing myself from people and shutting myself to the world for some days so I could rejuvenate myself, was another of her suggestions. When the typical methods weren’t enough, this might come in handy. It was sort of a physical reminder that I had done something or something terrible had happened to me. So when I returned to the ‘normal me’, I could relax and I didn’t need to worry.

We had to make sure that we worked together. It was exasperating and everything simple became complex. I didn’t like her now, but I knew I needed her. If she left me, I’d lose a part of myself too. She was wise. I couldn’t deny her of that. She knew ways to encourage me. She knew how to make the pain go away and if it didn’t go away, on the bad days, it might just worsen and she knew this.

I still feel embarrassed. I don’t know if it’s right or wrong, good or bad, normal or not. Sometimes when I’m working, I attempt to cover it up, pretending I’m fine, smiling, and acting like things are all right. I walk around as if nothing is happening, I’ve become quite the actor you know! I should definitely give it a try just in case I fail, and here we go again! You’ll know what I’m talking about once you reach the end, don’t worry!

It’s harder to pretend when people are around. I feel like they’re watching me. Judging me. Laughing at me. But if they heard what I did, if they saw the things that I did, if they felt the things I did, they’d do it too.

I’m not crazy. I understand that it’s not logical. I know that I have given my best during exams, I have been loyal to my boyfriend, I have selected the right career choice, I have turned off the AC in my room, or I’ve locked my house, but what if I haven’t? I know that I have brushed my teeth before eating food, but what if I haven’t? I know that by placing my lipstick in the exact same position after I used it, won’t mean that something bad won’t happen, but then, it’s not been proven otherwise.

I don’t know what part of ‘I know it already’ does she not understand. She is still there. Sometimes in front of me, sometimes behind the back of my mind. She looks out for me. She is my “best friend”, as she likes to call it. And for a few hours, sometimes minutes, seconds, she gives me peace. But she is the one who gives me hell too. She is my other self, a part of me that I can’t unfortunately cut off.

She is my anxiety.

Let your Dreams become Reality….

The First Step!

We are born into the world as humans. Our work here is not just to eat and sleep. We have been given a thought process so that we use it to our maximum potential to have name, fame, for the benefit of society, to uplift humanity to the next level, etc. We wish to do things in this world, but after doing all those things we find somehow it’s not enough.

People always tend to have “little more” than what they already have, it’s because they did not plan, and settled for whatever they achieved. This process of desiring is continuously going on. So all of us, consciously or unconsciously want to accomplish some dreams- dreams that we want to make a reality. This is one of the magnificent things we have been gifted with as individuals- the unquenchable desire to see dreams of a noble life. The only thing we need to do for this is to establish certain goals and incorporate the right strategies. 

Whenever we plan things, and they don’t happen how we want them to be, we are tempted to name it as “our destiny.” But that’s not true. If you want something to happen, you have to master your energy. You see, you cannot figure out every aspect of life around you, but if you have mastery over your mind, you can decide 50-60% of your fate. It’s because you have the power to mold your paths and not vice versa.

The kind of life some of you are leading right now is only enough for your survival, but not enough for you to master your dreams.

Sometimes, in the course of life, you meet people who tell you things like- “This was what God wanted”, “Marriages are made in heaven”, “His death was decided by God”, etc. You believe so many such things because that’s what people told you. Such thoughts may lead you to frustration, but we need to think about our unfulfilled potential. Many things that we thought were really out of our control or determined by God, today those things are in our hands. 

When we were small, we used to see different things and get excited. We always wanted to get our hands on those things when we become big. Similarly, our dreams and aspirations are like those things, as we grow up, they remain intact, and we work hard to achieve them. Seeing a dream, and by this, I mean a vision for the future, is very important, because dreams motivate, inspire, and improve you to chase your goals.

“Life is not something we find, it is something we create.”

Martin Luther King Jr

Do you ever sit down and imagine how you can turn your dreams into reality? 

Thoughts become things- Choose the good ones.

There are times in our life when something we want comes surprisingly to us. Like those times when we wanted a ‘Hot Wheels’ game, or we were eyeing that beautiful Barbie dress, and we got it- whether our family gave it to us or we got it as a birthday present from someone. It’s because we got pulled into a force, and obtained the things we wanted. This is called the ‘Law of Attraction.’

The Internet describes this as “it is our positive or negative thoughts that bring the good or the bad experiences into our life.” Our thoughts are like vibrations, so if we generate powerful thoughts and let them out, it will always manifest themselves. 

The subconscious mind of humans does not comprehend the difference between positive and negative thoughts. So if you have dreams of acquiring love, success, a good career, your mind will automatically work for it, but if you doubt your dreams, you will only find roadblocks in the path of constructing your dream life. Therefore, you should not worry about your subconscious fears, but your hopes and your dreams. 

Some people might question this theory though, saying that if they dream of becoming a millionaire, will they? Maybe yes, if they have a firm belief, and they work towards it with determination. There are many stories of ‘rags to riches’ in history. Dhirubhai Ambani came to Mumbai with Rs.20000 in the year 1960, and now his company is one of the biggest and richest in the world. 

People dream big and want to reach great heights, but they doubt their potential, thinking they are ordinary men and things are out of their reach. This uncertainty only gets stronger day by day and gradually, it turns into reality, and they do not achieve anything. Then some people have strong willpower and faith in themselves, who style their life the way they want it to look.

Wonders start to happen when you give substantial energy to your dreams.

The way you contemplate, focus, have firmness and persuasiveness, will define whether your dream will become certain or is it just a hollow thought.

Saying whether something is possible or not is not your business, it’s Natures’ business. So, all you are doing is using the past experiences of life as a basis for deciding whether something is possible or not. In simpler words, you have come to the conclusion that what has not happened till now cannot happen in your life in the future. So, do not create impediments for your thoughts.

Your work is just to see what it is that you want and strive for that, and if your thought is powerful, without negative beliefs bringing down the intensity of the thought process, it will work out for you. 

Building a dreamlife

All of us have cognitive ability in us that can help us draft plans and develop tactics to achieve our goals. We need self-motivation to do so, we need to construct that kind of enthusiasm, a drive, a burning desire within us, to encourage ourselves and bring those skills forward.

Over here are some things that you can follow if you want to work towards that dream life you’ve imagined-

1- Make a Vision board

· Start by taking a big sized canvas/paper, big enough to fit all your dreams in life, like – getting a job, traveling to countries, having a relationship, maintaining your friend circle, developing good relations with family, making your own house, earning big, and so on so forth.

· You can cut out pictures of these things from magazines, or print images, buy posters, use any quote that you like which motivates you, pictures of dream destinations, etc. that you can paste on this canvas/paper.

· Furthermore, you can divide the canvas/paper into different sections, for instance- lifestyle, family, interests, health, or anything that you want. This will work like a compass in life, which will help you steer yourself in the right direction so that you don’t veer off your path. Whatever you have in your head, the board helps you to put everything in a physical realm.

2- Develop self-confidence: People tend to lose confidence when they aren’t clear with what they want. For example- if you are told to walk in a well-lit area, you don’t need any confidence, but at the same time, if you are told to walk in dark, you will not have the same confidence, unless you believe in your capability and have a determination to accept the challenges. Hence, develop self-confidence. If you do not attempt to bring this self-assurance in your life and try to live it on a puffed-up sense of confidence, somebody is always going to prick it and bring it down, or life situations might do it. 

3- Work on the right problems: People miss chances, waste resources, and end up chasing trivial opportunities that aren’t associated with their goals. This is when people get stuck in life and they don’t know what to do, how to move forward. They don’t have the right tools to get out of the mess they have created. Therefore, try to list down the challenges, and tackle the ones that have a greater impact, rather than working on the insignificant ones, which are not of too much importance. 

4- Focus on one goal at a time: You will have n-number of goals in life, you can’t achieve all of them together and attack them at the same time. If you try to do this it will just take longer for you to reach the top. It might also feel like you won’t pick the momentum, and you will condemn yourself saying things like “God, I am getting nowhere in life!”, “Everything is moving so slow”, and so on.

5- Prioritize your dreams: Decide which ones you want to achieve first, which are more important and feasible. There’s the number 1 dream that you have, that overlooks all your other dreams. Then there’s a number 2. So go on and number them and try achieving in that order. It might not necessarily work because different opportunities come at different times, but at least you will have a plan of how you want to go about things. It’s not just about dreaming, but also about moving towards action.

6- Don’t let the negativity pave its way inside: Try to attract positive energies, self-motivate yourself. Every time you have a negative thought, try to stop and read something good. Google good quotes that will give you self-assurance, listen to music, play sports, read good books, good blogs, talk to your loved ones, and share your feelings with them. It helps to clean out those self-deprecating thoughts that you have about yourself. Make sure you set strong borders to preserve your sanity.

7- Remind yourself constantly: Wake up each day and teach your brain to manifest your dreams. Build that conviction in yourself that no matter what you won’t give up on your dreams and you will fight for them. Without struggle, there is no progress. Tell yourself every day that you can achieve your dreams. If you are brave enough to dream, you are brave enough to make it a reality. 

8- Accept the failure: Our life is unpredictable. Even if we plan the next moment, it might not work out that way. We are bound to meet unexpected circumstances. There are always some high points in life, and then there are low points as well. If you are at a low point in life, embrace that. It is okay to feel vulnerable, but don’t stop. Be loyal to your dreams. Don’t settle down with whatever you have achieved, you have a long way to go. Use these points to learn your lessons and turn them into opportunities.

Sail away from safe harbour, catch the trade wind in your sails.

9- Don’t change your direction: If the energy of your mind, emotions, and physical body, are organized in one direction and you keep it unwavering in that direction for a certain period, anything you wish can happen. Right now the biggest problem with our mind is that it’s changing its direction every time. If you want to go somewhere, and you keep changing your direction every two seconds, the question of you reaching the destination is very remote, unless it happens by chance. 

There’s only one life that we have- this! This life is too wonderful for us to not fulfill our dreams. Someday when we are near death, we will want to look back at our life. We can either find joy in that, or we can regret not trying to complete our dreams. But if you do achieve whatever you envisioned your dream life to be, you will find happiness and develop a sense of peace throughout your life. You will not leave the world with any remorse.